You Really Bought a Bad Computer if

• Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
• It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
• In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
• It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
• The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
• Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
• The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
• The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
• The only chip inside is a Dorito.
• You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.